1.) Did I focus enough on my pillow as opposed to other pillows? 2.) Do I need to describe my pillow in more detail? 3.) Did the order of everything work?
1. I think by talking your pillow and your uses of it at different times throughout the essay, you managed to constantly return to the focus of your own pillow as opposed to your friend's or designs of different pillows.
2. You provided wonderful details about your pillow as far as the comfort level, the uses, expectations, as well as what made you choose to buy this particular pillow. I like how you talked about how the pillow appealed to you because it was not as expensive and came in a matching bedset, making it a more convenient purchase. You also compared the structure of it now to the way it was when you first got it, which explains the change in the pillow over time, and reinforces the idea that that it no longer meets your expectations. Overall, I think you provided a sufficient amount of detail and description of your own pillow in your paper.
3. The order of your paper worked because you gave examples of other designs of pillows, as well as the decoration purposes, but were able to continue to draw attention back to your own pillow. The paper flows nicely from topic to topic.
1 comment:
1. I think by talking your pillow and your uses of it at different times throughout the essay, you managed to constantly return to the focus of your own pillow as opposed to your friend's or designs of different pillows.
2. You provided wonderful details about your pillow as far as the comfort level, the uses, expectations, as well as what made you choose to buy this particular pillow. I like how you talked about how the pillow appealed to you because it was not as expensive and came in a matching bedset, making it a more convenient purchase. You also compared the structure of it now to the way it was when you first got it, which explains the change in the pillow over time, and reinforces the idea that that it no longer meets your expectations. Overall, I think you provided a sufficient amount of detail and description of your own pillow in your paper.
3. The order of your paper worked because you gave examples of other designs of pillows, as well as the decoration purposes, but were able to continue to draw attention back to your own pillow. The paper flows nicely from topic to topic.
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